MY BREASTFEEDING EXPERIENCE
August is National Breastfeeding Month and the timing couldn’t be more perfect for me to write a blog post on this topic because my experience with breastfeeding Cannon has just recently come to an end.
And oh my god it’s so bittersweet. I’m so grateful that he and I were able to conquer it for as long as we did. Seven months to be exact. I say “we” because I couldn’t have done it without him, and he couldn’t have done it without me. It was such an incredible bonding experience.
This month is all about celebrating mothers and their bodies. It’s truly MIND BLOWING that our bodies do what they do when it comes to reproduction and breastfeeding. I know this is a cliche phrase, but it seriously is a freaking superpower.
This blog post is all about my experience with breastfeeding Cannon. I’ll take you through my low points and my high points, and share tips and resources I’ve gathered throughout the experience. As someone who was completely uneducated and quite honestly (and shamefully), slightly ignorant, about breastfeeding, how difficult it is and the public obstacles mothers face, I have a completely new outlook on it after going through it. I’m excited to talk about this on my blog and have these conversations with all the moms out there, whether you’re going through it now, went through in the past or are about to! Let’s dive in…
MY WHY
During my pregnancy, like everything else, I was researching and educating myself on things to come post-delivery. One of the biggest things looming over my head was, of course, breastfeeding. I REALLY wanted to breastfeed my baby. I know that “fed is best”, but my choice was to try and breastfeed for as long as I possibly could up to one year, as it’s the most beneficial option, according to what I researched.
Here are a few of the reasons that I wanted to breastfeed my baby:
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The bonding experience between me and my baby (skin-to-skin and eye contact)
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The nutritional value for baby
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The calorie burn and weight loss for ME!!! (there is a God)
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The financial cost, rather, the fact that it costs NOTHING to breastfeed
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The superpowers that come in the form of breastmilk
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Fights off illness
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Reduces risk of allergies, asthma and respiratory illness
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Reduces chance of ear infections
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Helps heal rashes on baby
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Helps heal sore nipples on mom
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My doula, midwife and pediatrician recommended it to me
THE FIRST FEED
Just when I thought I got through all the hard stuff with labor and delivery, it dawned on me shortly after Cannon was born that I had to try and breastfeed him! Omg I froze and was so overwhelmed with nerves I didn’t know what to do. After the nurses cleaned him up and gathered his stats, they gave him back to me and I just looked around like a deer in the headlights waiting for someone to tell me what to do.
THANK GOD FOR KELLY SUNSHINE, THE BRIGHT RAY OF SUNSHINE THAT IS ALSO KNOWN AS MY DOULA. She saved me from my silent panic and calmly approached me and said, “Do you want to try feeding him now?” Kelly doesn’t specialize in breastfeeding or lactation, but she has been in this business long enough to know the fundamentals. Not to mention, she’s a mom!
I reluctantly said, “Yes”, even though I knew I had no other choice. I was fucking scared guys! What if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t produce enough? What if he hates it and just doesn’t latch? What if it hurts? I had so many questions, but the best thing to do was just dive in and try.
Kelly was amazing and showed me two positions to try, cradle and football.
- Cradle: this is the obvious position that seems to be the one every mother tries first. You simply cradle your baby in your arms and get them to latch on.
- Football: this position requires you to literally hold you baby like a football, near your side. It’s easiest when you lay them on a pillow next to you, just under your armpit and angle them near your breast so they can latch.
She asked if she could legit just take my boob and position it to Cannon’s mouth. With all my dignity thrown out the window, and really just the fact that I am not weird about that stuff, I said “absolutely yes please do what you have to do”. Hahaha. Anything that will help me out with this whole breastfeeding thing!
After a few tries, Cannon finally latched.
If there is one thing breastfeeding has taught me, it’s patience. Yes, it’s instinctual for babies to search for your breast and eventually latch, but don’t forget that they are still freaking BABIES. They haven’t been living for that long in the outside world and they are learning how to breastfeed, just as you are too. As frustrated as I would get during middle of the night feedings, I always reminded myself of this. And it only got easier with time and practice.
It was such a crazy feeling when he latched. It didn’t hurt. Just felt weird. But it was so cool at the same time. The skin-to-skin contact was amazing. His eyes were closed for most of our hospital stay so we didn’t make much eye contact at first, but that definitely became a huge part of our experience together later on.
BREASTFEEDING IN THE HOSPITAL
It was really hard to nail down the whole breastfeeding thing, and in the hospital, they make you log all of your feedings to ensure that you’re consistently feeding your baby and for a good amount of time per feeding.
Newborns should typically be fed on demand for at least 30 minutes per session.
Since Cannon and I couldn’t figure out the latching situation right away, and we really struggled, we utilized the lactation consultants pretty frequently during our stay. They helped a lot.
MY LOWEST POINT
Cannon and I were really syncing up a couple days after we got home. I would feed him on demand—you can tell if they’re hungry if they a) cry OR b) start “sharking” for your boob, aka turning their head toward your chest with their mouth open lol—and while it would take some time to latch, he was getting better each day.
Cannon did what they call cluster feeding. Cluster feeding is when your baby has several feedings close together during a certain period of time. Typically, the baby will feed for short amounts of time, with fewer time in between feedings. So while one feeding is supposed to be a minimum of 30 minutes, Cannon would often feed for 15 minutes at a time, with 30 minutes to an hour in between feedings. Needless to say, I was glued to the couch.
It was okay for the first few weeks and didn’t bother me, until about one month in, and my nipples were TOAST. It was about 11 o’clock at night and Cannon was screaming crying at the top of his lungs because he was hungry. My nipples hurt so bad that there was no way I was going to be able to get through another feeding, but I really didn’t want to give Cannon a bottle with milk because I was terrified he was going to have nipple confusion and not latch anymore. Thor was so tired and wanted to help me figure out a solution, but I was frozen with what to do.
Cannon continued crying. Thor was getting frustrated with me. I started crying. And it was just a hot mess.
Eventually, I just gave him a bottle with breastmilk. But it was HARD. I was terrified he was going to get confused and revert back to the beginning and have a difficult time latching again. Not to mention, my hormones were still all over the place with the transition from pregnancy to delivery to breastfeeding.
This sounds like such a small situation, but in my mind, it felt like life or death.
OTHER OBSTACLES I FACED
Thrush
For a couple weeks, I was noticing that my nipples were really sore when Cannon would latch. I even noticed, like, little white specks on them too. Around the same time, Cannon’s tongue was super white. I brushed it off as just milk but when we took him into his regular pediatrician appointment, they scraped his tongue and noticed that the white wasn’t coming off. His doc told us that he officially had thrush.
Thrush is an infection of the mouth caused by yeast. That was a run around way of saying it’s a yeast infection. And babies can also get it in their diaper area, which Cannon had as well.
Since yeast infections are highly contagious, that explains the soreness of my nips. Cannon passed the infection to me, and I would pass it back to him and it was a vicious cycle.
Our pediatrician prescribed Cannon drops for his mouth and a cream for his diaper rash. Then I had to call my OB and get a prescription cream for my nipples. And it took dayyysss maybe even weeks for it to clear. But it eventually did. However, it hurt like hell.
Pumping
Pumping is a freaking full time job. I wasn’t exclusively pumping, but I was wanting to pump in between feedings because I wanted to be able to go on trips and go out in public and still give Cannon breastmilk.
From the research I did, it said to pump right after a feeding and to ensure you pump for at least 30 minutes so that you continue to pump out the thicker, less watery milk that has all the nutrients. Ohhhh myyyy godddd. This was just miserable. After feeding for 15-20 minutes, I had to get out all these little parts of the pump, put them together, strap on my hands free pumping bra, and then be stuck to the wall for a minimum of 30 minutes?? So. Not. Ideal.
But I did it. And sadly, I realized I just did not have a ton of supply outside of what Cannon would nurse. Sometimes I would have a great return on my pumping sessions, getting about a total of eight ounces, and others, I couldn’t get more than two. And when you’re not able to pump a lot extra, it really takes a toll on you emotionally. It sucks. You just want to be able to provide for your baby and when you feel like you’re insufficient at that, it really hurts the heart.
So, I had a few weekend trips coming up that I knew I needed to stock up for. I was never able to fully store enough for the entire weekend I was away, so I had to supplement with formula. But once these trips passed and I was home for the foreseeable future, I eventually dropped pumping and exclusively nursed Cannon. If I would go out in public and wouldn’t want to nurse, I would just bring formula to mix up and feed him. I just wanted to stop feeling like shit when I couldn’t store up enough. Especially since it’s so much work and so much time to dedicate to pumping. It was just getting me down and making me feel incompetent as a mother. So I stopped.
Breastfeeding in Public
Ohhhh the dilemma of breastfeeding in public. I realized how UNFRIENDLY our country is to breastfeeding mothers. It’s really disappointing.
I really wish I wasn’t like this, but I care about what people are thinking when they walk by me and see me breastfeeding my baby (wearing a cover). The first time I did this, I was shopping with my mom at the Biltmore Fashion Park, which is an outdoor mall. Cannon was only about 4-5 weeks old so he was feeding frequently. My mom and I sat down on a park bench, I put my cover on and began feeding my baby. I can’t begin to tell you how many people walked by and would just stare and keep their heads turned until I was out of their sight. Some would even whisper to the person they were walking with. It was so embarrassing and honestly so sad that I was made to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed to feed my child!
The conclusion to be drawn from this is the blatant fact that our country is unfriendly to breastfeeding mothers. Breastfeeding is not normalized. It’s not encouraged. And the result of that is the perception of the public thinking it’s inappropriate and abnormal to breastfeed in public. It’s a disgusting perception to have instilled in our society. And it needs to change fast.
What’s really sad though, is this really affected me. I probably only breastfed in public once or twice after this experience and it’s because I really had no choice. I’ve even gone into bathroom stalls and sat there for 30 minutes feeding Cannon just so I could avoid any judgement. I really need to change this about myself because these judgey assholes don’t matter.
Traveling
On the note of public breastfeeding, I will say I have been pleased to see the breastfeeding “pods” in airports. They aren’t everywhere yet, but I appreciate the start. However, they need to speed it the fuck up and get these pods EVERYWHERE and EVERY FEW FEET apart from each other.
Traveling while breastfeeding is very difficult, whether baby is with you or not. It’s especially difficult without baby. I pack my hand pump for the airplane and then my electric pump for the actual trip. You have to bring your hand pump with you everywhere and leave your social situation to pump, which is just annoying.
When we were in Cabo, sans baby, I got a clogged duct in my right boob and it really starting becoming painful. I tried working it out with my hands for a couple of days but it was getting worse and very uncomfortable. I was terrified of getting mastitis so I had to find another plan because my hand pump and my electric pump just weren’t getting the job done. I NEEDED MY BABY! He was obviously hundreds of miles of away, so who was the next best thing? My husband.
Oh yes, Thor had to legit suck out the clogged duct in the bathroom at dinner. It was definitely clogged because it took a few tries to really get it out. And once it was out, the instant relief is insane! I felt so much better and I was just so thankful that I was with someone who could fix it for me hahaha. However, if I was on a girls trip, I would have absolutely asked one of my friends to do it for me. No shame over here. Hahaha.
We haven’t flown with Cannon yet; we’ve only driven places with him. So I can’t speak to airports / airplanes and breastfeeding just yet.
HOW BREASTFEEDING CAME TO AN END FOR US
So I mentioned before that my supply really was just enough for Cannon, sometimes a bit more, but not usually. There came a point, around six months old, when I was realizing that Cannon was not staying full. He was becoming more cranky and feeding so often again, like when he was a newborn. I knew I had to do something.
So I started supplementing with formula. Before I ever gave him any formula, I did my research. And I did a lot. This can be an entirely new blog post on its own so I’ll spare you the details, but I began giving him HiPP formula from Europe.
Six months of breastfeeding was my first goal, the next was nine months, and then eventually one year when we would hopefully stop. However, around six months when I was noticing signs of a depleting supply, most likely due to the weekend trips I had just been on, I think something switched in my brain where I began telling myself that it just wasn’t going to last much longer.
I really wish I didn’t have this mentality because I think it contributed to a more rapid supply depletion, but I also think I was subconsciously ready to start getting my body back to myself. Breastfeeding was easier in the sense that I felt like it takes more work and planning to make a formula bottle, but it was way more difficult when it came to planning outings.
So by the time Cannon’s seven month mark came around, I was primarily giving him formula and only doing a few nursing feedings a day. One day, it just stopped completely. What’s sad about that is I didn’t know when the last time we would ever breastfeed would be. What was great about it, is that I didn’t know when the last time we would ever breastfeed would be. Haha. I feel like the not knowing helped me get through the end of our breastfeeding journey together. Because it is soooo bittersweet. The bond you create with your baby is indescribable, and when that contact is gone, it’s really sad. I know that through his childhood there will be many more times like this. The last time he holds my hand on a walk, the last time he snuggles in bed with us, his first day of school, his last day of school, his college send-off… but all good things must come to an end, right? Even so, I’m really proud of the seven months we had together.
THE PUMPS I CHOSE
I got this completely free through my insurance. Simply put in an inquiry for a breast pump here. A representative will contact you, request your insurance information and do all the work for you. Your pump will arrive at your door just days later.
This was my hand pump. Highly recommend getting one of these for all those moments you can’t plug in. I would even use this laying in bed on weekend mornings when I just didn’t feel like getting out all the parts and plugging in.
I also used the Haakaa Manual Breast Pump, which is amazing for on-the-go situations as well.
I also bought a bunch of extra pumping bottles for storage, in addition to the Medela storage bags for milk that I would freeze.
Find more breastfeeding essentials on my Amazon Storefront.
RESOURCES
ModernMilk
The Mama Natural
AZ Breastfed Babies
