Alright folks, this is a long one. And a detailed one at that. When I was pregnant I loved reading and hearing birth stories because of the uniqueness of each experience and the fact that it’s literally the most intimate moment in someone’s life. I love to share (I tend to overshare) and while these details are so personal, I’m happy to get into them since I loved feeling so moved reading other families’ stories.
Here goes…
I abruptly woke up mid-sleep on Sunday at 1:00 in the morning to a light gush of fluid. I went to the bathroom and noticed the fluid was completely colorless and odorless, so I obviously didn’t just uncontrollably pee myself. I had a feeling it could be my water breaking, but felt a little bit in denial so I just went back to bed.
Well it happened again about two hours later. At that moment I called my doula, Kelly, to get her two cents.
I didn’t feel any contractions, but she said it’s still safe to assume that I had ruptured (water broke) and that I should get a good night’s sleep to prepare for a long day and wait for the contractions to come.
I woke up in the morning around 7:00 pm and still had no contractions so I called Michelle, my midwife, to get my next steps. She said that since 6-7 hours had passed with no labor contractions, I needed to drink a castor oil shake to help naturally induce labor. WTF is castor oil??
Castor oil is a vegetable oil pressed from castor beans. It acts as a natural laxative, which irritates the uterus and induces labor.
It. Freaking. Works. I drank it at 10:00 am. Three hours went by and low and behold, strong fucking contractions. Here’s the recipe:
- 2 cups of you favorite ice cream
- 1 raw egg
- 2 oz castor oil
- Splash of milk to thin
The pain felt ongoing and didn’t come in waves like I had always heard about. So I chalked this up to elevated period cramps and kept writing them off as the pains before the real contractions. I feel like my ignorance was bliss here because it got me through serious labor pains that I didn’t realize were that serious.
I talked to Kelly on the phone a few times so she could identify if I was having a hard time talking and walking through the pain––this is a sign you need to get your ass to the hospital. Turns out… I was talking and walking just fine and she wanted me to continue to labor in the comfort of my own home. My midwife, however, felt that after some nipple stimulation (this is also incredibly effective so be careful with this tactic mamas!), I needed to meet her at the hospital at 4:00 pm.
I was getting impatient and just wanted a change of scenery so I told Kelly and Michelle we’d be there at 4:00 pm. We got in the car and the pains started to come in those waves that they describe contractions as. At this point, I was starting to struggle.
We get to the hospital and walk in to the maternity unit and begin check-in. I’m literally burying my head in my hands as I have to deal with administrative bullshit. So not ideal, but I got two huge sighs of relief when I saw my midwife Michelle, and then my parents just moments later. Hugs all around. Michelle took me and Thor back to triage so she could check my cervix and see how dilated I was. Just so happens that I was bearing these pains all the way up to 6 cm!!! (End goal is 10 cm). Thor let Kelly know and she called me saying she was on her way and couldn’t believe I wasn’t screaming on the phone at her from pain. That gave me an ego boost and, trying to stick to my birth plan, I knew I could continue on with no drugs for a bit longer.
Kelly arrived while Michelle was prepping my delivery room, so she, Thor and I walked the hospital hallways to help ease the pain of the contractions. Each time a contraction would come on, we would stop walking. I’d lean over either on Thor or a railing and Kelly would press down on my hips and lower back. She was literally my human epidural. It helped so much.
We later went from triage to the delivery room where Michelle had drawn a warm bath for me to labor in until I progressed to the finish line (10 cm) before pushing. She checked my cervix and I had gone from 6 to 8 in about two hours or less. This is where the pain became unbearable.
Kelly was playing music and Thor was sitting outside the tub holding my hands and arms and coaching me through each contraction. He was seriously so amazing. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.
The pain got worse and worse. And no bathtub was going to ease it for me at this point.
Michelle checked my cervix again. 9.5 cm. Half a centimeter to go. Felt ! Like ! AGES !
Still, I cried out for endless shots of epidurals. Lol. Kelly responded with, “Remember I told you that at some point you were going to ask for the epidural? Well you’ve made it too far to give in to it now and it will only delay labor and pushing even longer.” Michelle concurred and said that hooking me up to an IV, administering the epidural and then waiting for it to kick in would take at least 90 minutes and that it wasn’t worth it at this point. I was pissed for a minute, then felt defeated, and shortly realized that this was my plan and I would feel so accomplished if I could stick to it. Then another contraction came and that short moment of inspiration dissolved instantly haha.
***MYTH DEBUNKED: It’s NEVER too late to get an epidural. It just takes time to administer and for it to kick in, which is where that myth came from. My midwife and doula confirmed this.
A half an hour went by, Michelle checked my cervix again. COMPLETE. I made it. Ten whole centimeters dilated. It was time to move from the tub to the delivery table. Thor and Kelly helped me hobble over there and pushing began. I thought getting to 10 cm was the hard part. Hell. No. I was so wrong.
As a first time mom, it’s much more difficult to push out a baby since your body just simply hasn’t done it before. Thor took one leg, my [AMAZING] nurse took the other, Michelle was ready to “catch” the baby and Kelly was the best cheerleader there ever was coaching me through breathing and pushing during the height of every contraction.
About five different push positions and 90 minutes later––since I had no epidural numbing my lower body, I was able to move and switch up positions to help get baby out quicker––I was feeling no progress and getting seriously discouraged that I wasn’t going be able to do this. Not to mention I was BEYOND exhausted. In between contractions I wanted nothing more than lay there for a few minutes and recover, but then another contraction would come and I had to take advantage and push four times in a row. Then I’d get to rest for maybe, 5 seconds. UGH.
Kelly brought over a mirror so that I could see the progress I had made. This may sound weird, but it was hands down one of the best things for my mental state. Baby’s head was visible! It made me just want to keep going and take advantage of these contractions as much as possible so it could all be over sooner.
Another hour went by, baby was progressing more and more, and suddenly Michelle stood up and dressed in what looked like surgeon gear. I got so excited that this was possibly ending, and then she says to me, “Okay Nikki, get ready for the ‘Ring of Fire’”.
Okay what the hell. I had heard this term maybe once before and completely forgotten about it. But when she said it in the delivery room, I remembered exactly what it meant. Baby was crowning and breaking his head through to enter the world. This is where they say “tearing” happens. AKA why it burns like fucking hell.
If I could drop a million curse words right now, I would. And it still wouldn’t be able to describe the kind of pain I felt. Basically like someone took a lighter and just held it there, right on the skin, for hours. Or that my body was being split in half with a cerated knife. The latter is probably more accurate.
What felt like hours was probably only a few minutes, and BOOM. There he was!! My baby boy’s head was out and the next hardest part was getting his shoulders through. With the mirror, I was able to watch all of this and it did help my mind escape the pain. It was truly such a cool thing to see. Once his shoulders were through, the pain instantly left my body and I laid my head back down. Michelle screamed at me, “Nikki grab him, grab him!”
In my head I was like “Holy eff I’m doing the Kourtney Kardashian thing right now!!!”
I put my hands under his armpits and started pulling upward and put him directly on my chest for immediate skin-to-skin bonding.
And holy s@*$!. All the pain I just endured went right out the window. It actually is instant relief once baby is out. And I know it sounds so cliche, but you really are just in such a moment of euphoria afterwards. Thor was right over my shoulder and our first born baby was crying on my chest. This was our family.
Cannon Fox Butler was born on December 9, 2019 at 9:36 PM. He weighed 7 pounds and 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. I’ve never felt so overwhelmed with love in my entire life.
As they were “cleaning me up”, ew, Kelly was taking some family photos of us (from the belly up obviously). She was going to encapsulate my placenta for me to take to help with postpartum depression and my overall recovery. So naturally I asked to see it. She brought it over and legit looks like a giant, purpley, veiny brain. It’s mind-boggling to think that was the main source of nutrients for Cannon as he was growing. Fucking nuts.
I barely tore so I didn’t need any stitches, which was great news.
My family came in to meet Cannon for the first time and we all just soaked in the new baby goodness. When they left I got up, sat in a wheelchair with Cannon and they took us down to our postpartum recovery room. We were exhausted and tried to get as much sleep as possible. I’ll save our hospital experience for a different post but in short, I recovered amazingly well.
If you have questions about my labor and delivery experience please feel free to send me an email or DM on IG! Love talking about this topic and hearing other mom’s stories.
And, if you’re at all interested, our doula provided a birth timeline of the events of labor and delivery. It’s basically what I detailed but from her perspective and more high level. I’m pasting it below. Such a special keepsake.
Birth Timeline for Cannon Fox Butler
Sunday, December 9, 2018
2:48am
You called to let me know that you thought your water broke. I suggested going back to sleep and wait for contractions to begin.
9:00am
I checked in with you to see how you were doing. You were still feeling little gushes of fluid leaking on and off but still not feeling any contractions. I suggested calling your midwife Michelle to see what she would like you to do.
10:30am
You drink the labor shake that Michelle suggested to get contractions started.
2:00pm
You texted me letting me know that you had just gone for a power walk. You were not feeling contractions but felt like things were starting and that you were going to meet Michelle at the hospital at 4:00pm.
4:00pm
You arrived at Banner University Hospital and got checked into triage.
4:30pm
Your midwife Michelle checked you. You were 6 cm dilated, 100% effaced and baby was at zero station.
5:10pm
I arrived at the hospital and found you walking the halls. Your contractions were getting stronger.
5:40pm
We moved over to your labor room.
5:45pm
You got in the tub.
6:25pm
Michelle checked you in the tub as you were questioning if you could keep going. You were now 8cm dilated, 100% effaced and baby was low at +1 station.
6:45pm
She checked you in the tub again and you just had a lip of cervix left.
7:00pm
You got out of tub. Michelle had you try to push while she tried to push the lip of cervix past the baby’s head. That wasn’t working so she had you just breath through a few contractions and let your body do the work.
7:15pm
Pushed again and lip went away. You were now completely dilated and pushing.
9:36pm
Baby boy was born.
I can’t say enough how much of a privilege it was to support you and Thor during this pregnancy…Such a joy! Nikki you are so strong! You went through your entire labor and birth with such strength…even had a smile on your face at times. You dug deep and found that place within you to get through your intense labor and birth…all without any medication at all….not even a Tylenol!
And Thor, you were awesome support for Nikki! They say the best thing a Dad can do for his kids is to love their mother- your kids are truly blessed! Thank you both so much for the wonderful privilege of being part of the miracle of birth. Each one is forever a part of my life!